Friday, May 21, 2010

"Frequent Fliers" At Court

A few people occupy the majority of a court's time with child custody and visitation "issues". As I told a client last week, when the Clerk and the courtroom bailiff are joking about you being back at court, you have overstayed your welcome. Judges, on occasion, have had to enter orders that require people to get advance court approval before they are allowed to file actions in court.
Why do these people have such problems? Of course, it is the other party's fault; but beyond that the constant court appearances indicate a more serious underlying personal problem. Until that is addressed appropriately, court will remain in the family's life.
Judge Michele Lowrance in "The Good Karma Divorce" points out that all of us have brain cells that are called mirror neurons. You respond to another person in the same fashion as they dealt with you. Hostility causes a hostile response and so on. Forever, if someone does not stop it.
Judge Lowrance also noted that many parties just cannot make a complete break from each other. They use court as a means of "staying relevant" in each other's lives. They pursue this negative emotional connection-even if they do not realize what they are doing. Court, however, is not a suitable forum to deal with this problem. Judges and lawyers cannot "fix" people. They have to fix themselves. To do this, they may need assistance from trained professionals in another setting.

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