From the California Courts' Website:
Ways to Communicate
How you talk to each other and to your children can make a big difference. Try to think about the other parent as a business partner. Acting "businesslike" might help get your mind off the pain and stress so you can focus better on your children.
Here are some tips:
Be polite, just like you would be at work.
Stay on the subject. Focus on doing what is best for your child.
Control your emotions, just like you would do at work.
Be clear and specific when you talk to the other parent. Write things down and keep businesslike records of important agreements.
Keep your promises. Your children need to be able to trust and rely on you. This is very important right now.
Watch the words you use when you talk about divorce.
INSTEAD OF SAYING: TRY SAYING:
wife, husband, ex-wife, ex-husband, my "ex" children's mother, children's father
has visitation with stays with, comes over
custody and visitation agreement parenting plan
Friday, August 26, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
National Family Law Symposium
National Family Law Symposium: State of the Family 2011
The Impact of Twenty-First Century Science and Technology on the Family
The National Center for Family Law and Virginia CLE® present an all-star faculty of family law attorneys, judges, professors, and mental health professionals from across the nation, bringing you the opportunity to learn, discuss, and debate the law, the research, and social policies impacting children, marriages, and families — and the opportunity to enjoy a beautiful September getaway in historic Richmond.
For family law practitioners, judges, professors, mental health professionals, and others interested in the law and social policies impacting families and children.
This symposium will provide:
A unique opportunity to learn, discuss, and debate the law, the research, the technology, and social policies impacting children, marriages, and families
All-star faculty of attorneys, judges, professors, and mental health professionals from across the country
Opportunity to network with other family law professionals from across the country
Great location and great price (dinner, two lunches, and two continental breakfasts included with Symposium fee)
When: Sept. 12-13
Where: Jepson Alumni Center, University of Richmond
MCLE credits: 12.0
Cost: Tuition for the Symposium is $475 ($239 for law professors). This fee includes continental breakfasts on Monday and Tuesday, lunches on Monday and Tuesday, and a cocktail party/buffet dinner on Monday night. Space is limited.
For complete details, and to register, visit Virginia Continuing Legal Education.
The Impact of Twenty-First Century Science and Technology on the Family
The National Center for Family Law and Virginia CLE® present an all-star faculty of family law attorneys, judges, professors, and mental health professionals from across the nation, bringing you the opportunity to learn, discuss, and debate the law, the research, and social policies impacting children, marriages, and families — and the opportunity to enjoy a beautiful September getaway in historic Richmond.
For family law practitioners, judges, professors, mental health professionals, and others interested in the law and social policies impacting families and children.
This symposium will provide:
A unique opportunity to learn, discuss, and debate the law, the research, the technology, and social policies impacting children, marriages, and families
All-star faculty of attorneys, judges, professors, and mental health professionals from across the country
Opportunity to network with other family law professionals from across the country
Great location and great price (dinner, two lunches, and two continental breakfasts included with Symposium fee)
When: Sept. 12-13
Where: Jepson Alumni Center, University of Richmond
MCLE credits: 12.0
Cost: Tuition for the Symposium is $475 ($239 for law professors). This fee includes continental breakfasts on Monday and Tuesday, lunches on Monday and Tuesday, and a cocktail party/buffet dinner on Monday night. Space is limited.
For complete details, and to register, visit Virginia Continuing Legal Education.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Saturday, August 20, 2011
If The Buddha Divorced
If The Buddha Divorced- A First Aid Kit
By Norm Gibson
You may be saying:
“This is not happening to me!”
“I can’t believe she wants a divorce.”
“I finally had to leave. It was awful!”
Newly separated, moved to my friend’s basement, I needed concrete help, not platitudes. I found I was dealing with death, relationship death, the ending of a life. I discovered that concrete help– for the long haul but also First Aid, for here and now. Let’s begin with the First Aid Kit Instructions:
Respire. Use mindful breathing to relax and calm your mind. Start by sitting comfortably on a chair or cushion with your spine straight (off the chair back). Take a nice, big breath and slowly exhale. Now all that’s left to do is to notice your simple in-breath and out-breath, just as it is. When thoughts begin to crop up, that’s natural. Just silently label them “thinking”, and bring your attention back to your breath. Continue this process for 5 or 10 minutes, taking a break and then repeating again. This basic meditation powered the Buddha’s teaching for 2,400 years.
Replenish. Relationship stress can take the mind out of the body. Get serious about drinking 64 ounces of water daily– it’s the quickest way to combat anxiety and depression. Stop reading this now, fill a glass with cold water and drink all of it before setting the glass down. Eat 5 nutritious meals per day. Take a good multi-vitamin. Walk or run mindfully 30 minutes per day. By “mindfully” we mean knowingly, in the present, and with awareness.
Round-up the support of friends. Isolation is the major risk behavior after a break-up. Remember, were the roles reversed, you would be there for a friend. Make a list of friends, family and helping professionals, dividing them up into the categories, 1) To Listen to Me, 2) To Spend Time With, and To Avoid– friends that drain you. If you’re helping others too much, it’s just another form of isolating.
Realize that the strong emotions you may be feeling—anger, grief and fear– are temporary, and are based in the past or future. Your work is to get more and more free from them by living more and more in the present. The tools in this kit will help you do that. You can also consciously begin a positive future by marking your calendar with some enjoyable plans for this month and next month.
Relieve your stress and confusion by journaling. Pick up a good quality journal and a fast-writing pen. Your Inner Critic is not invited. Let the words flow. Try timing yourself for 10 minutes, writing without stopping for spelling or cross -outs. This can be a great release, and great learning when you come back to read it later on.
Rinse and Repeat. Make a pact with yourself to repeat one or more of the above daily for 2 weeks.
Good luck and good healing!
-Norm Gibson, LCSW.
By Norm Gibson
You may be saying:
“This is not happening to me!”
“I can’t believe she wants a divorce.”
“I finally had to leave. It was awful!”
Newly separated, moved to my friend’s basement, I needed concrete help, not platitudes. I found I was dealing with death, relationship death, the ending of a life. I discovered that concrete help– for the long haul but also First Aid, for here and now. Let’s begin with the First Aid Kit Instructions:
Respire. Use mindful breathing to relax and calm your mind. Start by sitting comfortably on a chair or cushion with your spine straight (off the chair back). Take a nice, big breath and slowly exhale. Now all that’s left to do is to notice your simple in-breath and out-breath, just as it is. When thoughts begin to crop up, that’s natural. Just silently label them “thinking”, and bring your attention back to your breath. Continue this process for 5 or 10 minutes, taking a break and then repeating again. This basic meditation powered the Buddha’s teaching for 2,400 years.
Replenish. Relationship stress can take the mind out of the body. Get serious about drinking 64 ounces of water daily– it’s the quickest way to combat anxiety and depression. Stop reading this now, fill a glass with cold water and drink all of it before setting the glass down. Eat 5 nutritious meals per day. Take a good multi-vitamin. Walk or run mindfully 30 minutes per day. By “mindfully” we mean knowingly, in the present, and with awareness.
Round-up the support of friends. Isolation is the major risk behavior after a break-up. Remember, were the roles reversed, you would be there for a friend. Make a list of friends, family and helping professionals, dividing them up into the categories, 1) To Listen to Me, 2) To Spend Time With, and To Avoid– friends that drain you. If you’re helping others too much, it’s just another form of isolating.
Realize that the strong emotions you may be feeling—anger, grief and fear– are temporary, and are based in the past or future. Your work is to get more and more free from them by living more and more in the present. The tools in this kit will help you do that. You can also consciously begin a positive future by marking your calendar with some enjoyable plans for this month and next month.
Relieve your stress and confusion by journaling. Pick up a good quality journal and a fast-writing pen. Your Inner Critic is not invited. Let the words flow. Try timing yourself for 10 minutes, writing without stopping for spelling or cross -outs. This can be a great release, and great learning when you come back to read it later on.
Rinse and Repeat. Make a pact with yourself to repeat one or more of the above daily for 2 weeks.
Good luck and good healing!
-Norm Gibson, LCSW.
How Lawyers Charge In Divorces
Financial Matters: Dealing with Legal Fees
by Joseph Warren Kniskern
Regardless of which attorney you select, you must understand fee arrangements and be aware of how to keep your legal costs reasonable.
Negotiating Fee Arrangements
How fees are set.
Attorneys' fees are often negotiable, although most experienced lawyers do not want to lower their fees. Most lawyers set their rates based upon these factors: time, labor, novelty, the difficulty of the legal issues involved, and the legal skills necessary to work the case properly; the likelihood that acceptance of the case will prevent other employment, either because of time or conflicts of interest; the customary fees usually charged in the area for similar legal services; the amount involved and results obtained; the time limitations imposed by the client or circumstances; the nature and length of the professional relationship with the client; the experience, reputation, and ability of the lawyer performing the services; and overhead (library costs, secretarial help, office rent, and costs of equipment, etc.). The lawyer will be very familiar with what can and cannot be done in setting a reasonable fee for your case. Even so, negotiate for lower fees. Above all, make sure fees are in line with what other local lawyers charge for doing the same type of work.
Most attorneys realize that the practice of law is no longer just a service profession but is also a business. No one can ignore business considerations and practice for very long. Therefore, many attorneys are diligent in advising their clients up-front what they charge. You should expect regular bills during the case, as well as a collection system for late payments.
Types of fee arrangements.
There are three traditional methods for setting fees: fixed fees; hourly rates for work of uncertain duration; and contingency fees (a percentage of whatever a lawyer wins for the client).
Fixed fees are unusual in litigation cases because no one can reasonably foresee when and how the case will end. Although fixed fee arrangements may force the lawyer to work more efficiently and prevent misunderstandings about the final bill, lawyers know that clients can take advantage of them by excessive calls and conferences. Consequently, the lawyer may lose interest in the case and assign it a low priority.
Contingency fee arrangements in dissolution of marriage cases are illegal in most states. Such arrangements create many conflicts of interest at the expense of shattered marriages and broken lives. Therefore, you should expect your lawyer to charge a negotiated hourly rate for your case.
Retainers.
Many lawyers want an advance retainer or deposit against your fees and costs. You should receive full credit for this retainer against your legal expenses. Negotiate now for a refund of all unearned portions of the retainer when your lawyer's representation ends.
Legal representation agreements.
Fee and representation requirements are usually written into an agreement or letter signed by you and your lawyer. Carefully read this agreement. It will control how you and your attorney work together in handling your case. If you have any questions or concerns about the lawyer or the work involved, have your understanding written into your agreement. These agreements help avoid misunderstandings and assure effective communication about mutual expectations.
Billing statements.
You have a right to know about work completed on your behalf in enough detail to be sure that fees are reasonable and comply with your fee agreement. If you do not ask for a detailed bill, many attorneys will simply send a short, one-page statement that states "For Services Rendered" and list a lump sum fee due. This saves time for the attorney, but even the most honest of lawyers can make mistakes in figuring fees. Without a detailed bill, you cannot correct those errors. Therefore, always ask for a statement with a daily accounting of tasks performed, hours per task, individuals who did the work, and the hourly rate for each.
In examining your fee statement, be aware of a few overbilling problems like these: overuse of conferences among lawyers in the same office about your case; repeatedly passing your file on to new lawyers who will bill you for reviewing your case; overstaffing your case by having more than one person attend hearings and depositions; over-researching issues and padding legal research hours; charging a high hourly rate for existing computerized form documents usable in many cases; charging for services at improper rates such as billing secretaries as paralegals, paralegals as lawyers, and lawyers not yet admitted to the bar as admitted lawyers; billing for work product that cannot be produced to you; markups on fixed costs such as computerized legal research, photocopying and facsimile charges, meals, and airline tickets; and summarizing depositions to an unwarranted degree. If you prohibit these matters in your fee agreement, you avoid many expensive misunderstandings during your case.
Billing frequency.
Most lawyers bill on a monthly cycle under the theory that regular billing helps assure regular payment. It also reduces your shock in receiving one enormous bill at the end of your case. However, billing at the end makes it easier to talk to your lawyer about adjusting the bill if the result is worse than expected due to decisions he or she made.
Payment of fees.
Most lawyers have a precise system for collection of fees. After 30 days, the lawyer may send out a second statement. A letter follows after 45 days, with a personal telephone call after 60 days. Slow-paying accounts receive low priority for the lawyer’s time if other clients pay promptly. Also, although lawyers do not like to arbitrate or litigate fees with clients, they will do so if the potential loss is large enough to warrant it. Be wise and promptly pay your bills within 30 days. Your lawyer will appreciate you as a client and work harder for you.
How to Cut Your Legal Fees and Costs
Developing a strategy and budget.
Many variables are difficult to control in a divorce, such as whether your spouse and opposing attorney will settle, fight discovery, or use delay tactics. Developing a strategy and budget for your case -- and updating it before major hearings or conferences -- will provide you and your attorney with a clear understanding of the proper level and limits of the work.
Try to set a maximum fee cap on the case that should not be exceeded without prior written approval. This helps you monitor expenses and avoid surprises in your final bills.
Your lawyer should watch fees and expenses to make sure you are billed fairly under your fee agreement. Before your budget for legal expenses in any phase is exceeded, you should be notified promptly so that you can decide whether to revise your budget or modify the strategy. Then you can give your prior written approval of the excess amount.
Encourage your lawyer always to be alert for a creative or less expensive way to proceed -- even if the work is within your budget -- and to discuss these matters with you promptly. Above all, in developing a strategy and budget, use a laser rather than a shotgun in addressing your issues and problems. Be precise and efficient.
Cost limitations.
Ask your lawyer to be sensitive to the costs of multiple representation at meetings and hearings, high staffing levels, rotating persons onto matters with which they are unfamiliar, and training young lawyers on your case.
Since your lawyer can handle most of your case in the office, the need for overnight travel is slight. However, if out-of-town travel is necessary, have your lawyer agree that only one attorney should travel; expenses for lodging, restaurants, or transportation should not be extravagant; and charges for airfare should be at the coach rate only.
If you require extra or unnecessary legal work, such as excessive telephone calls or conferences or filing unwarranted court pleadings, you should expect to pay for these. Similarly, your lawyer should agree that if work completed is not budgeted or approved, is not properly done, or requires correction, you will not be billed. Find out what your lawyer's minimum billing increment is. Lawyers often charge in tenths or quarters of an hour. If you are charged a quarter-hour for a two-minute phone call, prepare for this call and use the full fifteen minutes to your benefit.
Does your attorney double-bill you and other clients for work benefiting everyone? If so, object to this and work out a fair fee allocation.
Assist your lawyer in finding documents or information to lower your legal expense. Offer to locate witnesses, secure property appraisals, and copy lengthy documents at discount copy centers.
Develop a friendly working relationship with your lawyer's secretary. You will receive information about your case at no additional cost, since time for secretaries is not usually billed to clients and they are quite familiar with cases. Happy secretaries will also work to keep your case a priority.
Hourly rates almost always include your lawyer's overhead, which should not be added separately onto your bill. Reimbursement of expenses to third-party suppliers should be at documented, actual cost.
Unless agreed upon in advance and in writing with your lawyer, try to avoid or limit paying for these costs:
Administrative time by the attorney;
Secretarial overtime, unless it is a legitimate emergency for your case alone;
Time spent preparing bills and discussing billing matters with you;
Photocopies made internally in excess of a good faith estimate of actual cost;
Internal office messenger expense in excess of the cost of comparable outside services;
Meal costs, except for a reasonable cost if a matter necessary to advance your case must be discussed with an outside party during the meal;
Auto mileage in excess of a reasonable cost per mile (AAA rates or IRS allowances).
Communication.
When you meet or talk with your lawyer, be prompt. Organize papers and have information ready with a list of carefully thought-out matters you need to discuss. Avoid deluging your lawyer with information unless it is requested. Always listen carefully to your lawyer's advice. Promptly follow the instructions carefully.
Tell your lawyer you do not want "surprises". As the expert, your attorney should expect and warn you in advance of matters that may affect you or your case so that you can properly prepare yourself.
Make sure your lawyer does not negotiate away any of your rights or give away any personal information without your prior written approval.
Tell your lawyer that you will not call unless you have an important legal concern. (Remember, you are not your lawyer's only client.) Your attorney should return telephone calls within 24 hours unless he or she is out of town or reasonably indisposed.
Keep your case files up-to-date. Ask your lawyer to copy for you significant memoranda or pleadings prepared on your behalf so that you can monitor your case progress. This also allows you to stop any activities that may be too expensive or overly combative with the other side.
Encourage your lawyer to alert you to anything you do that interferes with your case. Similarly, advise your lawyer that you want to discuss any of your concerns directly with him or her as well.
If your questions cannot be answered within 15 minutes by telephone, write your attorney a letter. This will give him or her time to focus on your needs and give you a more thoughtful response. Letters allow you to share more information with your lawyer in a shorter period of time while also documenting your concerns. Always keep a copy of your letter for your files. Use it as a checklist when your lawyer responds.
Disagreements and termination of representation.
If you have any disagreements with your lawyer, discuss problems directly without delay.
If you and your lawyer cannot agree on a fair settlement of the dispute, your attorney should agree to promptly secure court approval to withdraw so you can secure alternate counsel without jeopardizing your case.
Pay your first lawyer a reasonable fee to the date you change lawyers. To avoid disputes about fees in this instance, have your lawyer agree in advance to arbitration or mediation of the dispute. If this is not available, then you and your attorney can pursue whatever legal remedies are available.
If your lawyer has violated rules of professional conduct (such as missing filing deadlines or misappropriating trust account funds), you should consider filing a formal complaint with your state bar association. This association also may have a client security fund to reimburse you if your funds or property have been embezzled by your lawyer.
Joseph Warren Kniskern is an attorney in Raleigh, North Carolina with more than 32 years of experience, who has been cited in Who's Who in American Law. This article has been edited and excerpted from When the Vow Breaks: A Survival and Recovery Guide for Christians Facing Divorce (B&H Publishing Group, revised edition copyright @ 2008).
by Joseph Warren Kniskern
Regardless of which attorney you select, you must understand fee arrangements and be aware of how to keep your legal costs reasonable.
Negotiating Fee Arrangements
How fees are set.
Attorneys' fees are often negotiable, although most experienced lawyers do not want to lower their fees. Most lawyers set their rates based upon these factors: time, labor, novelty, the difficulty of the legal issues involved, and the legal skills necessary to work the case properly; the likelihood that acceptance of the case will prevent other employment, either because of time or conflicts of interest; the customary fees usually charged in the area for similar legal services; the amount involved and results obtained; the time limitations imposed by the client or circumstances; the nature and length of the professional relationship with the client; the experience, reputation, and ability of the lawyer performing the services; and overhead (library costs, secretarial help, office rent, and costs of equipment, etc.). The lawyer will be very familiar with what can and cannot be done in setting a reasonable fee for your case. Even so, negotiate for lower fees. Above all, make sure fees are in line with what other local lawyers charge for doing the same type of work.
Most attorneys realize that the practice of law is no longer just a service profession but is also a business. No one can ignore business considerations and practice for very long. Therefore, many attorneys are diligent in advising their clients up-front what they charge. You should expect regular bills during the case, as well as a collection system for late payments.
Types of fee arrangements.
There are three traditional methods for setting fees: fixed fees; hourly rates for work of uncertain duration; and contingency fees (a percentage of whatever a lawyer wins for the client).
Fixed fees are unusual in litigation cases because no one can reasonably foresee when and how the case will end. Although fixed fee arrangements may force the lawyer to work more efficiently and prevent misunderstandings about the final bill, lawyers know that clients can take advantage of them by excessive calls and conferences. Consequently, the lawyer may lose interest in the case and assign it a low priority.
Contingency fee arrangements in dissolution of marriage cases are illegal in most states. Such arrangements create many conflicts of interest at the expense of shattered marriages and broken lives. Therefore, you should expect your lawyer to charge a negotiated hourly rate for your case.
Retainers.
Many lawyers want an advance retainer or deposit against your fees and costs. You should receive full credit for this retainer against your legal expenses. Negotiate now for a refund of all unearned portions of the retainer when your lawyer's representation ends.
Legal representation agreements.
Fee and representation requirements are usually written into an agreement or letter signed by you and your lawyer. Carefully read this agreement. It will control how you and your attorney work together in handling your case. If you have any questions or concerns about the lawyer or the work involved, have your understanding written into your agreement. These agreements help avoid misunderstandings and assure effective communication about mutual expectations.
Billing statements.
You have a right to know about work completed on your behalf in enough detail to be sure that fees are reasonable and comply with your fee agreement. If you do not ask for a detailed bill, many attorneys will simply send a short, one-page statement that states "For Services Rendered" and list a lump sum fee due. This saves time for the attorney, but even the most honest of lawyers can make mistakes in figuring fees. Without a detailed bill, you cannot correct those errors. Therefore, always ask for a statement with a daily accounting of tasks performed, hours per task, individuals who did the work, and the hourly rate for each.
In examining your fee statement, be aware of a few overbilling problems like these: overuse of conferences among lawyers in the same office about your case; repeatedly passing your file on to new lawyers who will bill you for reviewing your case; overstaffing your case by having more than one person attend hearings and depositions; over-researching issues and padding legal research hours; charging a high hourly rate for existing computerized form documents usable in many cases; charging for services at improper rates such as billing secretaries as paralegals, paralegals as lawyers, and lawyers not yet admitted to the bar as admitted lawyers; billing for work product that cannot be produced to you; markups on fixed costs such as computerized legal research, photocopying and facsimile charges, meals, and airline tickets; and summarizing depositions to an unwarranted degree. If you prohibit these matters in your fee agreement, you avoid many expensive misunderstandings during your case.
Billing frequency.
Most lawyers bill on a monthly cycle under the theory that regular billing helps assure regular payment. It also reduces your shock in receiving one enormous bill at the end of your case. However, billing at the end makes it easier to talk to your lawyer about adjusting the bill if the result is worse than expected due to decisions he or she made.
Payment of fees.
Most lawyers have a precise system for collection of fees. After 30 days, the lawyer may send out a second statement. A letter follows after 45 days, with a personal telephone call after 60 days. Slow-paying accounts receive low priority for the lawyer’s time if other clients pay promptly. Also, although lawyers do not like to arbitrate or litigate fees with clients, they will do so if the potential loss is large enough to warrant it. Be wise and promptly pay your bills within 30 days. Your lawyer will appreciate you as a client and work harder for you.
How to Cut Your Legal Fees and Costs
Developing a strategy and budget.
Many variables are difficult to control in a divorce, such as whether your spouse and opposing attorney will settle, fight discovery, or use delay tactics. Developing a strategy and budget for your case -- and updating it before major hearings or conferences -- will provide you and your attorney with a clear understanding of the proper level and limits of the work.
Try to set a maximum fee cap on the case that should not be exceeded without prior written approval. This helps you monitor expenses and avoid surprises in your final bills.
Your lawyer should watch fees and expenses to make sure you are billed fairly under your fee agreement. Before your budget for legal expenses in any phase is exceeded, you should be notified promptly so that you can decide whether to revise your budget or modify the strategy. Then you can give your prior written approval of the excess amount.
Encourage your lawyer always to be alert for a creative or less expensive way to proceed -- even if the work is within your budget -- and to discuss these matters with you promptly. Above all, in developing a strategy and budget, use a laser rather than a shotgun in addressing your issues and problems. Be precise and efficient.
Cost limitations.
Ask your lawyer to be sensitive to the costs of multiple representation at meetings and hearings, high staffing levels, rotating persons onto matters with which they are unfamiliar, and training young lawyers on your case.
Since your lawyer can handle most of your case in the office, the need for overnight travel is slight. However, if out-of-town travel is necessary, have your lawyer agree that only one attorney should travel; expenses for lodging, restaurants, or transportation should not be extravagant; and charges for airfare should be at the coach rate only.
If you require extra or unnecessary legal work, such as excessive telephone calls or conferences or filing unwarranted court pleadings, you should expect to pay for these. Similarly, your lawyer should agree that if work completed is not budgeted or approved, is not properly done, or requires correction, you will not be billed. Find out what your lawyer's minimum billing increment is. Lawyers often charge in tenths or quarters of an hour. If you are charged a quarter-hour for a two-minute phone call, prepare for this call and use the full fifteen minutes to your benefit.
Does your attorney double-bill you and other clients for work benefiting everyone? If so, object to this and work out a fair fee allocation.
Assist your lawyer in finding documents or information to lower your legal expense. Offer to locate witnesses, secure property appraisals, and copy lengthy documents at discount copy centers.
Develop a friendly working relationship with your lawyer's secretary. You will receive information about your case at no additional cost, since time for secretaries is not usually billed to clients and they are quite familiar with cases. Happy secretaries will also work to keep your case a priority.
Hourly rates almost always include your lawyer's overhead, which should not be added separately onto your bill. Reimbursement of expenses to third-party suppliers should be at documented, actual cost.
Unless agreed upon in advance and in writing with your lawyer, try to avoid or limit paying for these costs:
Administrative time by the attorney;
Secretarial overtime, unless it is a legitimate emergency for your case alone;
Time spent preparing bills and discussing billing matters with you;
Photocopies made internally in excess of a good faith estimate of actual cost;
Internal office messenger expense in excess of the cost of comparable outside services;
Meal costs, except for a reasonable cost if a matter necessary to advance your case must be discussed with an outside party during the meal;
Auto mileage in excess of a reasonable cost per mile (AAA rates or IRS allowances).
Communication.
When you meet or talk with your lawyer, be prompt. Organize papers and have information ready with a list of carefully thought-out matters you need to discuss. Avoid deluging your lawyer with information unless it is requested. Always listen carefully to your lawyer's advice. Promptly follow the instructions carefully.
Tell your lawyer you do not want "surprises". As the expert, your attorney should expect and warn you in advance of matters that may affect you or your case so that you can properly prepare yourself.
Make sure your lawyer does not negotiate away any of your rights or give away any personal information without your prior written approval.
Tell your lawyer that you will not call unless you have an important legal concern. (Remember, you are not your lawyer's only client.) Your attorney should return telephone calls within 24 hours unless he or she is out of town or reasonably indisposed.
Keep your case files up-to-date. Ask your lawyer to copy for you significant memoranda or pleadings prepared on your behalf so that you can monitor your case progress. This also allows you to stop any activities that may be too expensive or overly combative with the other side.
Encourage your lawyer to alert you to anything you do that interferes with your case. Similarly, advise your lawyer that you want to discuss any of your concerns directly with him or her as well.
If your questions cannot be answered within 15 minutes by telephone, write your attorney a letter. This will give him or her time to focus on your needs and give you a more thoughtful response. Letters allow you to share more information with your lawyer in a shorter period of time while also documenting your concerns. Always keep a copy of your letter for your files. Use it as a checklist when your lawyer responds.
Disagreements and termination of representation.
If you have any disagreements with your lawyer, discuss problems directly without delay.
If you and your lawyer cannot agree on a fair settlement of the dispute, your attorney should agree to promptly secure court approval to withdraw so you can secure alternate counsel without jeopardizing your case.
Pay your first lawyer a reasonable fee to the date you change lawyers. To avoid disputes about fees in this instance, have your lawyer agree in advance to arbitration or mediation of the dispute. If this is not available, then you and your attorney can pursue whatever legal remedies are available.
If your lawyer has violated rules of professional conduct (such as missing filing deadlines or misappropriating trust account funds), you should consider filing a formal complaint with your state bar association. This association also may have a client security fund to reimburse you if your funds or property have been embezzled by your lawyer.
Joseph Warren Kniskern is an attorney in Raleigh, North Carolina with more than 32 years of experience, who has been cited in Who's Who in American Law. This article has been edited and excerpted from When the Vow Breaks: A Survival and Recovery Guide for Christians Facing Divorce (B&H Publishing Group, revised edition copyright @ 2008).
When Sharing Parenting Does Not Work
A few words of warning
by Jill Burrett and Michael Green
Shared parenting doesn’t work for children when:
1.There are very high levels of intractable conflict between the parents
2.The parents are more focused on getting their fair share of time than on the real interests of their children
3.It’s a regime imposed because the parents couldn’t come to an amicable arrangement, and they lack the goodwill to make it work
4. A parent has plenty of time technically with the children but is not really there for them
5.A parent’s inattention causes children to feel unsettled or like visitors
6.Children do not feel at home in both households
7.There is inflexibility about the arrangements over time
Shared Parending
This article has been edited and excerpted from Shared Parenting: Raising Your Children Cooperatively After Separation. Copyright © 2009 by Jill Burrett and Michael Green, Celestial Arts, an imprint of Ten Speed Press, a division of the Crown Publishing Group, Berkeley, CA.
Misconceptions About Court
10 Detrimental Misconceptions about What Really Happens in Court
By Judge Michele Lowrance
Preparing for trial requires superhuman strength. Many people try to simultaneously mobilize sufficient reserves of the required negative emotion while trying to remain on moral high ground. An angry confrontation can alter the course of negotiations and with the flick of a switch lead a lost couple into a nasty divorce.
When you find yourself at the end of your marital journey, it is excruciating to witness the brutality in the spouse you once loved, and to have a glimpse of your own brutal nature. You have shocked yourself with how easily, and even candidly, you revealed your spouse's personal secrets to your attorney and then published those private embarrassments in a public court record. There are rare exceptions, but in order to find yourself in court you have almost certainly had to align yourself with negative and often erroneous assumptions. Here are ten of the most detrimental misconceptions about what really happens in court:
1. Destruction of your spouse is an acceptable means for getting what you need.
2. Your goals can be accomplished and sure victory attained by putting on a good fight. However, unlike traditional battle, where you can destroy and walk away, you might have to deal with your adversary for years to come.
3. Once you ignite a match in the courtroom, you can control the direction and intensity of the flames.
4. Your attorney will understand and execute your goals and desires in a way that satisfies your sensitivities and needs.
5.Your concept of fairness will approximate that of the judge's. You believe there is a clear-cut, nondiscretionary standard of justice that is not dependent upon the judge's personal values.
6.Your habitual negative thought patterns, fueled by well-developed propaganda to "create the enemy," will cease once the trial is over.
7.It is your spouse's fault you are at trial.
8.The judge wields a wand, not a gavel, and can magically solve your problems, no matter how much damage has been done to the family.
9.The court process will not hurt you, because you are invulnerable. In any case, whatever pain you feel will go away once the trial is over.
10. Your attorney can be vicious to your spouse, because that is your attorney's conduct, not yours. And people who are abusively cross-examined in court never hold it against their spouse.
Too often, people end up in trial because they can't tolerate any more negotiations. You think you are at the end of your collective ability to problem-solve. But that is not true. You may not really be at a stalemate; you may just have stale negotiations.
This article has been excerpted from the book The Good Karma Divorce by Judge Michele Lowrance (HarperCollins). Judge Michele Lowrance spent 20 years as a domestic relations lawyer prior to becoming a Domestic Relations Judge in the Circuit Court of Cook County, Illinois in 1995. She has been a guest on Good Morning America, The CBS Morning Show, CNN, ABC and other shows. She also appeared, produced and hosted radio shows and is a regular guest lecturer.
By Judge Michele Lowrance
Preparing for trial requires superhuman strength. Many people try to simultaneously mobilize sufficient reserves of the required negative emotion while trying to remain on moral high ground. An angry confrontation can alter the course of negotiations and with the flick of a switch lead a lost couple into a nasty divorce.
When you find yourself at the end of your marital journey, it is excruciating to witness the brutality in the spouse you once loved, and to have a glimpse of your own brutal nature. You have shocked yourself with how easily, and even candidly, you revealed your spouse's personal secrets to your attorney and then published those private embarrassments in a public court record. There are rare exceptions, but in order to find yourself in court you have almost certainly had to align yourself with negative and often erroneous assumptions. Here are ten of the most detrimental misconceptions about what really happens in court:
1. Destruction of your spouse is an acceptable means for getting what you need.
2. Your goals can be accomplished and sure victory attained by putting on a good fight. However, unlike traditional battle, where you can destroy and walk away, you might have to deal with your adversary for years to come.
3. Once you ignite a match in the courtroom, you can control the direction and intensity of the flames.
4. Your attorney will understand and execute your goals and desires in a way that satisfies your sensitivities and needs.
5.Your concept of fairness will approximate that of the judge's. You believe there is a clear-cut, nondiscretionary standard of justice that is not dependent upon the judge's personal values.
6.Your habitual negative thought patterns, fueled by well-developed propaganda to "create the enemy," will cease once the trial is over.
7.It is your spouse's fault you are at trial.
8.The judge wields a wand, not a gavel, and can magically solve your problems, no matter how much damage has been done to the family.
9.The court process will not hurt you, because you are invulnerable. In any case, whatever pain you feel will go away once the trial is over.
10. Your attorney can be vicious to your spouse, because that is your attorney's conduct, not yours. And people who are abusively cross-examined in court never hold it against their spouse.
Too often, people end up in trial because they can't tolerate any more negotiations. You think you are at the end of your collective ability to problem-solve. But that is not true. You may not really be at a stalemate; you may just have stale negotiations.
This article has been excerpted from the book The Good Karma Divorce by Judge Michele Lowrance (HarperCollins). Judge Michele Lowrance spent 20 years as a domestic relations lawyer prior to becoming a Domestic Relations Judge in the Circuit Court of Cook County, Illinois in 1995. She has been a guest on Good Morning America, The CBS Morning Show, CNN, ABC and other shows. She also appeared, produced and hosted radio shows and is a regular guest lecturer.
Can You Have A Good Divorce?
Can You Have a Good Divorce?
From Huffington Post Divorce
Are "good" and "divorce" in the same sentence an impossibility? I believe it is possible to have a good divorce. Following are some tips on how to have a good divorce even though you are going through one of the worst times in your life.
1. Are you sure that your marriage is over and cannot be saved? Have you tried counseling and exhausted all possibilities of saving the marriage? Divorce should be the last resort, not your first. Having counseling during the divorce as well can be very helpful towards a good divorce.
2. Can you treat your spouse with respect and dignity? Remember that at one time you loved each other.
3. If you have children, can you put their best interests ahead of your wants or needs? This is difficult, and too often people in the heat of emotion will do things to put children in the middle. Don't do this
4. Can you talk issues through? At one time you were able to communicate. It is difficult, but the more that you and your spouse can communicate, the better your divorce will be.
5. Can you stay out of court? The more that you go to court, the more you will lose control and the less input you will have over decisions impacting upon the rest of your life and the lives of your children.
6. Can you find an attorney who works for you, and is a problem-solver? For a good divorce you want an attorney who helps solve problems, is creative, and does not turn a good divorce into a war of the roses.
7. Can you be mature, even though you feel totally out of control and overwhelmed? This is where therapy is helpful. Also, it is important to think, and count to ten before you speak or do something. Be constructive and not destructive.
8. Can you be selfless instead of greedy? Remember that pigs get slaughtered.
9. Can you have a game plan? Set goals. What do you want? What is best for your children? Be realistic about your children, your property, and other financial issues.
10. Can you be honest and not play games? Too many spouses play games and do everything possible to manipulate and try one-ups-man-ship. This is not the way to have a good divorce.
Remember that divorce is a process. The better you make the divorce, the better you will feel about yourself and your spouse and your children. Your thoughts, experiences of your divorces, and comments are welcome.
From Huffington Post Divorce
Are "good" and "divorce" in the same sentence an impossibility? I believe it is possible to have a good divorce. Following are some tips on how to have a good divorce even though you are going through one of the worst times in your life.
1. Are you sure that your marriage is over and cannot be saved? Have you tried counseling and exhausted all possibilities of saving the marriage? Divorce should be the last resort, not your first. Having counseling during the divorce as well can be very helpful towards a good divorce.
2. Can you treat your spouse with respect and dignity? Remember that at one time you loved each other.
3. If you have children, can you put their best interests ahead of your wants or needs? This is difficult, and too often people in the heat of emotion will do things to put children in the middle. Don't do this
4. Can you talk issues through? At one time you were able to communicate. It is difficult, but the more that you and your spouse can communicate, the better your divorce will be.
5. Can you stay out of court? The more that you go to court, the more you will lose control and the less input you will have over decisions impacting upon the rest of your life and the lives of your children.
6. Can you find an attorney who works for you, and is a problem-solver? For a good divorce you want an attorney who helps solve problems, is creative, and does not turn a good divorce into a war of the roses.
7. Can you be mature, even though you feel totally out of control and overwhelmed? This is where therapy is helpful. Also, it is important to think, and count to ten before you speak or do something. Be constructive and not destructive.
8. Can you be selfless instead of greedy? Remember that pigs get slaughtered.
9. Can you have a game plan? Set goals. What do you want? What is best for your children? Be realistic about your children, your property, and other financial issues.
10. Can you be honest and not play games? Too many spouses play games and do everything possible to manipulate and try one-ups-man-ship. This is not the way to have a good divorce.
Remember that divorce is a process. The better you make the divorce, the better you will feel about yourself and your spouse and your children. Your thoughts, experiences of your divorces, and comments are welcome.
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