If you are the victim of domestic violence, there is help for you.
Locally, you can contact Samaritan House at 631-0710 and the HER Shelter at 485-3384.
For other resources 24 hours per days, contact The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE(7233) or Safe Horizon 1-800-621-HOPE(4673).
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Monday, October 29, 2012
What To Bring To Your First Appointment
What should you bring to your first appointment to visit with a lawyer? Some of this can be sent for review in advance.
- Court Documents: If there has been a court filing, the client must bring previously filed documents. The last order entered by a court is an absolute must if the client is seeking post divorce advice. Certainly, if a client has recently been sued, the client must bring the suit and the summons served upon them and be prepared to say exactly when the papers were handed to them.
- Financial documents:
(Note: the idea is to provide a basic understanding of the finances. Detail will be developed later) - Financial statements given by either party to lenders if you have them
- basic financial statements prepared by either party
- the latest pay stub for both parties if you have them
- the latest statements for savings, stock and pension accounts if you have them (Note: the attorney will be interested in a basic idea of what was acquired during the marriage versus what was acquired before the marriage and what was received by gift during the marriage.)
- Tax returns for the last three years if you have them
- a social security earnings history if you have one
- Basic Timeline of Events: (Too much detail would not be useful in an initial appointment)
- Proof of Fault: such as telephone records, copies from Facebook, letters, recordings, pictures, cards, etc, pictures of bruises, doctor bills from abuse, etc.
- Payment: Oftentimes it is important to protect against the other party knowing about the appointment, so make arrangements to pay by a method the other spouse will not be able to detect, such as cash or cashiers check or checking account to which the other spouse does not have access.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Cooperative Versus Collaborative Divorce
Cooperative Versus Collaborative Divorce
A recent trend in the law has been to have the parties handle their divorces through the collaborative process. In this process, the parties and the professionals (who are trained to handle cases collaboratively) sign an Agreement which provides that all discussions will be held in the open and that there will be full disclosure. If there is not a successful resolution of the issues, the parties must hire different attorneys to take the matter to court. The collaborative meetings are held with the "team members" present. The parties will each have a divorce coach who is a mental health professional. If there are children, there may be a child specialist. There also may be a financial specialist to deal with the money and property issues. While the meetings can involve a significant expense, they still resolve cases with less expense than a contested case.
In a cooperative divorce, there is no requirement that all meetings be held as a group nor is there a requirement that new counsel be obtained if an agreement is not reached. The parties may be referred out to other experts on an as needed basis. These differences keep the cost down significantlt while achieving many of the same goals of collaborative divorce.
Mary G. Commander is a trained Collaborative Divorce Practitioner and Mediator in Norfolk, VA.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Divorce/Separation Mediation Checklist
The following issues are often discussed in a mediation involving a
separation or a divorce. Please bring any relevant information with you
to the mediation to help with decisions (i.e., information regarding
bills, debts, value of assets, retirement plans, insurance, etc.).
Parenting Arrangements:
1. Legal Custody (who makes major decisions about the children regarding education, religion, and major healthcare issues)
2. Physical Custody (the times the children will spend with each parent)
Parenting Arrangements:
1. Legal Custody (who makes major decisions about the children regarding education, religion, and major healthcare issues)
2. Physical Custody (the times the children will spend with each parent)
- Weekdays
- Weekends
- Childcare plans
- Extracurricular activities
- Holidays
- Birthdays
- Summers
- Extended vacation times
- Travel plans
- Temporary changes to plan
- Between parents
- Between parents and children
- Spousal Support: amount; method; time
- Health insurance
- Life insurance
- Pension plans
- Educational expenses
- Housing expenses
- Legal expenses
- Child support: amount; method; time
- Health insurance
- Medical expenses not covered by insurance
- Childcare expenses
- Tax deductions
- Life insurance beneficiaries
- School/college expenses
- Expenses for extras: activities, birthday parties, non-essential items
- Determine value of assets and liabilities
- House/property
- Property expenses (mortgage, utilities, taxes)
- Household furnishings
- Motor vehicles (payments, insurance, expenses)
- Savings/checking accounts
- Investments/stocks
- Credit card and other consumer debt
- Personal debt
- Insurance (cash value)
- Tax refunds or payments due
- Inheritance
- Bankruptcy
- Business
- Moving
- Communication
- Legal expenses
- Resolving future disputes
Friday, September 28, 2012
Mediation Myths
MEDIATION MYTHS-LET THE TRUTH BE KNOWN
Myth: Mediation allows one spouse to dominate another.
Fact: A good mediator pays close attention to the power balance between the spouses and uses specific techniques to address any imbalance. If one spouse persists in dominating behavior, the mediator will call a stop to the mediation rather than allowing it to continue. One caveat: Even the best mediator can be unaware of a power imbalance if it only goes on outside of the mediation sessions and the spouses don't let the mediator know about it.
Myth: Women are at a disadvantage in mediation.
Fact: Women are no more at a disadvantage in mediation than in divorce court. In fact, women can often obtain a better result in mediation than they can in court, because the mediation process allows separating spouses to negotiate an agreement that considers nonlegal factors. Also, except for court-ordered (mandatory) mediation, a woman is free to stop the mediation or refuse to sign an agreement that seems unfair to her.
Myth: Mediation is more of a hassle than hiring a lawyer to handle the divorce.
Fact: Whether divorcing spouses mediate or hire a lawyer to handle the divorce, they have to do a certain amount of gathering information and making decisions. Mediation offers a streamlined approach to the information-gathering and decision-making processes. In contrast, using the courts is cumbersome and expensive.
Myth: Mediation is for wimps.
Fact: In mediation, the spouses stand up for themselves and what they want. They don't have lawyers speaking for them and telling them what to do. As a result, people who mediate often come out of their divorce with enhanced communication skills and self-confidence, as well as agreements they can really live with.
Myth: Mediation makes the divorce take longer.
Fact: Mediation almost always takes less time than litigating a divorce. Unless the spouses have worked everything out ahead of time, hiring lawyers to handle the divorce will almost always take as long or longer than mediating, even if the lawyers are able to settle out of court.
Myth: There's no place for lawyers in mediation.
Fact: Lawyers who understand and support mediation can help mediating spouses in several ways: by informing them of their legal rights and options, by coaching them through the negotiations, by coming up with creative settlement ideas, and by preparing the necessary divorce paperwork once an agreement is signed. Most consulting lawyers charge a reasonable hourly fee and don't require a large retainer (advance deposit). A spouse pays for only as much consulting time as is needed.
Myth: All divorce lawyers understand and support mediation.
Fact: Divorce mediation is still a relatively new way of approaching divorce. Many adversarial lawyers have little or no experience with the nonadversarial approach used in mediation. Some even disapprove of mediation, arguing that divorcing spouses should not negotiate on their own but only through lawyers. These attitudes are slowly changing, as divorce lawyers become more aware of mediation and its benefits for their clients. Meanwhile, spouses wishing to mediate their divorce need to find consulting lawyers who are "mediation-friendly."
Myth: In mediation, the mediator decides what's fair.
Fact: Unlike a judge or an arbitrator, a mediator has no power to make decisions for the divorcing spouses. The mediator's job is to help the spouses negotiate an agreement that each of them considers fair enough to accept.
Myth: Mediation is always the best option for every divorcing couple.
Fact: Mediation works for most divorcing couples. As long as both spouses are able to speak up for what's important to them and can behave themselves appropriately in mediation, the process can work for them. On the other hand, mediation may not offer enough protection and structure for some couples. For example, a couple with domestic violence or substance abuse issues may need to have lawyers speak for them instead of trying to negotiate directly. In addition, some spouses may prefer to assume the risks and cost of adversarial litigation in order to make a point or assert a legal right rather than compromise in a settlement.
Myth: Mediation allows one spouse to dominate another.
Fact: A good mediator pays close attention to the power balance between the spouses and uses specific techniques to address any imbalance. If one spouse persists in dominating behavior, the mediator will call a stop to the mediation rather than allowing it to continue. One caveat: Even the best mediator can be unaware of a power imbalance if it only goes on outside of the mediation sessions and the spouses don't let the mediator know about it.
Myth: Women are at a disadvantage in mediation.
Fact: Women are no more at a disadvantage in mediation than in divorce court. In fact, women can often obtain a better result in mediation than they can in court, because the mediation process allows separating spouses to negotiate an agreement that considers nonlegal factors. Also, except for court-ordered (mandatory) mediation, a woman is free to stop the mediation or refuse to sign an agreement that seems unfair to her.
Myth: Mediation is more of a hassle than hiring a lawyer to handle the divorce.
Fact: Whether divorcing spouses mediate or hire a lawyer to handle the divorce, they have to do a certain amount of gathering information and making decisions. Mediation offers a streamlined approach to the information-gathering and decision-making processes. In contrast, using the courts is cumbersome and expensive.
Myth: Mediation is for wimps.
Fact: In mediation, the spouses stand up for themselves and what they want. They don't have lawyers speaking for them and telling them what to do. As a result, people who mediate often come out of their divorce with enhanced communication skills and self-confidence, as well as agreements they can really live with.
Myth: Mediation makes the divorce take longer.
Fact: Mediation almost always takes less time than litigating a divorce. Unless the spouses have worked everything out ahead of time, hiring lawyers to handle the divorce will almost always take as long or longer than mediating, even if the lawyers are able to settle out of court.
Myth: There's no place for lawyers in mediation.
Fact: Lawyers who understand and support mediation can help mediating spouses in several ways: by informing them of their legal rights and options, by coaching them through the negotiations, by coming up with creative settlement ideas, and by preparing the necessary divorce paperwork once an agreement is signed. Most consulting lawyers charge a reasonable hourly fee and don't require a large retainer (advance deposit). A spouse pays for only as much consulting time as is needed.
Myth: All divorce lawyers understand and support mediation.
Fact: Divorce mediation is still a relatively new way of approaching divorce. Many adversarial lawyers have little or no experience with the nonadversarial approach used in mediation. Some even disapprove of mediation, arguing that divorcing spouses should not negotiate on their own but only through lawyers. These attitudes are slowly changing, as divorce lawyers become more aware of mediation and its benefits for their clients. Meanwhile, spouses wishing to mediate their divorce need to find consulting lawyers who are "mediation-friendly."
Myth: In mediation, the mediator decides what's fair.
Fact: Unlike a judge or an arbitrator, a mediator has no power to make decisions for the divorcing spouses. The mediator's job is to help the spouses negotiate an agreement that each of them considers fair enough to accept.
Myth: Mediation is always the best option for every divorcing couple.
Fact: Mediation works for most divorcing couples. As long as both spouses are able to speak up for what's important to them and can behave themselves appropriately in mediation, the process can work for them. On the other hand, mediation may not offer enough protection and structure for some couples. For example, a couple with domestic violence or substance abuse issues may need to have lawyers speak for them instead of trying to negotiate directly. In addition, some spouses may prefer to assume the risks and cost of adversarial litigation in order to make a point or assert a legal right rather than compromise in a settlement.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Guardians Ad Litem For Children
Most family court judges do not favor
having children testify in court during a child custody hearing. Custody
cases are stressful and emotional matters for the parents involved, and
even more so for the children. A Guardian ad Litem (GAL) is an
experienced family law attorney who is appointed by the court to
represent the interest of the children in a contested child custody
case.
The GAL will interview the children and gather their thoughts on their relationship with the parents and the custody situation in general. In some cases, the children may express a preference to live with a particular parent that they may not otherwise disclose to the parents. The GAL will also meet with the parents and discuss custody and visitation plans, living arrangements, education issues, etc.
After investigating the case, the GAL will issue a report of their findings and recommendations to the Court. A good GAL will issue a written report that is available to the attorneys for each of the parents. This report is not binding on the court in any way, but often the judge will adopt the recommendations of the GAL.
It is important to understand the role of a GAL in your child custody case. Many parents view a GAL as an adversary. Some parents make the mistake of making disparaging comments about the other parent during a GAL interview. The GAL ‘s role is not to favor one parent or the other, but to form an opinion as to what is in the best interest of the children, their client.
You should always be respectful to the GAL and never get emotional about your relationship with your children, the other parent, or the other parent’s relationship with the children. The GAL will assume that if you are open to making unfavorable comments regarding the other parent to them, then you are likely to do so in front of your children which will hurt your case.
If you have a contested custody case, a GAL can be a major asset in your case. We will advise you on the role of a GAL and how you can better prepare yourself to get the best possible outcome in your child custody case.
For more information, go to my website at www.commanderlaw.com.
The GAL will interview the children and gather their thoughts on their relationship with the parents and the custody situation in general. In some cases, the children may express a preference to live with a particular parent that they may not otherwise disclose to the parents. The GAL will also meet with the parents and discuss custody and visitation plans, living arrangements, education issues, etc.
After investigating the case, the GAL will issue a report of their findings and recommendations to the Court. A good GAL will issue a written report that is available to the attorneys for each of the parents. This report is not binding on the court in any way, but often the judge will adopt the recommendations of the GAL.
It is important to understand the role of a GAL in your child custody case. Many parents view a GAL as an adversary. Some parents make the mistake of making disparaging comments about the other parent during a GAL interview. The GAL ‘s role is not to favor one parent or the other, but to form an opinion as to what is in the best interest of the children, their client.
You should always be respectful to the GAL and never get emotional about your relationship with your children, the other parent, or the other parent’s relationship with the children. The GAL will assume that if you are open to making unfavorable comments regarding the other parent to them, then you are likely to do so in front of your children which will hurt your case.
If you have a contested custody case, a GAL can be a major asset in your case. We will advise you on the role of a GAL and how you can better prepare yourself to get the best possible outcome in your child custody case.
For more information, go to my website at www.commanderlaw.com.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Use Your Therapist In Your Divorce
http://markchinn.blogspot.com/2012/06/when-troubled-by-marriage-use-your-own.html
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Friday, May 25, 2012
Technology Helps
1. Diary
It often is helpful to prepare a diary or narrative describing the marriage, including:
a. Each parties' monetary and non-monetary contributions,
b. Child rearing/care activities of each parent,
c. Marriage history/timeline,
d. Problems and concerns throughout the marriage
e. History of criminal, legal or medical issues during the marriage
f. Employment histories throughout the marriage.
This can be prepared in any format with which you are comfortable; however, you may wish to use Penzu (http://penzu.com). This allows you to search, sort and organize. It also is private. Just be aware that this is subject to subpoena in a court proceedings.
2. Inventory
It is important to have an inventory of your assets. Again, there is no special format required. You may wish to use iKeepm (http://iKeepm.com) or OwnDepot (http://owndepot.com). OwnDepot charges a fee for its service if you wish it to prepare an inventory for you.
3. Finances
Mint (http://mint.com, which replaced Quicken Online) allows you to enter all of your financial accounts. It helps you develop a budget and to see where your money is going.
4. Visitation
Our Family Wizard (http://ourfamilywizzard.com) is a fee based service that helps with scheduling and organization in co-parenting your children. There is even an App. for it.
It often is helpful to prepare a diary or narrative describing the marriage, including:
a. Each parties' monetary and non-monetary contributions,
b. Child rearing/care activities of each parent,
c. Marriage history/timeline,
d. Problems and concerns throughout the marriage
e. History of criminal, legal or medical issues during the marriage
f. Employment histories throughout the marriage.
This can be prepared in any format with which you are comfortable; however, you may wish to use Penzu (http://penzu.com). This allows you to search, sort and organize. It also is private. Just be aware that this is subject to subpoena in a court proceedings.
2. Inventory
It is important to have an inventory of your assets. Again, there is no special format required. You may wish to use iKeepm (http://iKeepm.com) or OwnDepot (http://owndepot.com). OwnDepot charges a fee for its service if you wish it to prepare an inventory for you.
3. Finances
Mint (http://mint.com, which replaced Quicken Online) allows you to enter all of your financial accounts. It helps you develop a budget and to see where your money is going.
4. Visitation
Our Family Wizard (http://ourfamilywizzard.com) is a fee based service that helps with scheduling and organization in co-parenting your children. There is even an App. for it.
Monday, May 21, 2012
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